When my brother Gregg and I were little, we fought a lot. About everything. We could be heard saying, “He started it…” “She’s touching me….” “He’s lookin at me me!” My poor Mother. But THE MOST annoying thing we did to one another was something we called, “Actin’ big”. The act of actin’ big was actually something most people would call showing off, being a brown-noser, or boasting about something. And it bothered both of us….MUCHLY. My mom probably wishes she had a dollar for everytime one of us accused the other one of actin’ big. What does this have to do with anything???? I’ll get there.
The past week or so has been a week of much agonizing stress for me, as well as some life-changing events, and some not-so-eventful victories. Today was a good day…for small reasons. When I got home from work today, it was 82 degrees in the Detroit area. IN MARCH. WHAT? I decided, for the first time since July, that I was gonna go for a walk. A real one…outside…with normal running shoes. I got Daisy into her doggie harness and she looked at me like, “You’re kiddin me right?” because it had been so long. But as we stepped outside into the sunshine and cool breeze, I felt like an olympic athelete. As we started to walk down the street (it was actually a half walk/half limp/ hop kinda thing) I started actin’ big. I couldn’t help it. I waved to the neighbors, and when I crossed the street and a car was driving by, I kind spun around and made a “go right ahead” arm-sweeping gesture at him…and boy did he look confused. I started to sing to myself, and limped a little faster…I kept asking Daisy if she was proud of me…but she was cruzin for bunnies or squirrels so she just ignored me. A jogger went by me and I gave him the finger pistol mouth-clicking wink thing…he kinda just chuckled and ran faster. I actually limped all the way to my daughter Alissa’s work…about a 1/2 mile. I sat on her couch for a few minutes and dramatically wiped the sweat off my face, as she let Daisy drink water out of a big glass. She knew I was actin big…but I think she was proud of me, too. Then she asked me if I wanted to borrow her car to drive home. I just snorted at her and acted shocked at the idea. The walk home was equally as glorious. Painful, and so so so glorious. If my brother could have seen me, walking through my neighborhood with cocky, bad girl limping swag…he would have immediately called my mother. I can hear it now…”Karyn’s actin’ biggggggggggggggggggggggg!”
Small victories. Huge miracles. Answered prayers…and PEACE. Winning!